its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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