Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize