The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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