I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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