if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
