ya dads aren't the best wingmen
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
