You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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