I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
