I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
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