Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
