I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
