I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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