No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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