Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
