Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
porn star boner night. come get it.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
sex in a hospital.. check
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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