I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
