IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
