then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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