Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
