i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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