This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I am mentally ready for anal.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
