I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
