can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
