I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
