Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
