Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
