you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
