the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
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