Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Sext me about skeletons
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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