i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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