I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
