I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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