as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
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