I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Randomize
