Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
