I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
