so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
