Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
