you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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