I am spending my child support on dildos
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
