whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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