"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
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