i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
