shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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