So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
