somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
birth control should be required to get into college
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
