Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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