it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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