She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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