I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
My balls are so social today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
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