he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
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Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
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Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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