I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
