so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
My liver just had a heart attack.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
