Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
