i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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