I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
