it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Randomize
