good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
