You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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