I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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