we made out on top of his cat.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
