you guys were way drunker than both of me
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
