My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
