my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
