those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
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