Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
