But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
