I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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