Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
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