Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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