He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
