I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Your cock deserves a montage
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
