You smell like a Billy Joel song
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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