i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
