Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
